Many of you know, but most of you don't. I have been a smoker for almost 10 years. It started as an attempt to be "cool" (so cliche, I know) After the birth of my first son Nick (I didn't smoke during my pregnancy) I started to hide my horrible habit. I've continued to hide for several years. God has gently been telling me to quit here lately. My first step in quiting I feel, is to come clean to those who don't know.
Several of you know that I am a Christian. This is what has been nagging my soul the most. How can I possibly "minister" to people if I am a slave to smoking? bond-age (noun) the state of one who is bound as a slave or serf. Its true, I try to conceal my habit. I omit from certain people (especially my "church" friends) there have been times, I am ashamed to admit, that I have even lied about it. For years Ive harbored the notion that smoking is not "that bad of a sin," I have been wrong. Whenever I am happy, I want to smoke. Whenever I am sad, I want to smoke. Whenever I am (fill in the blank here) I want to smoke. Enough.
I am to the point that I despise smoking. I am killing myself. I am setting a bad example for my children. I am disappointing God. I AM DONE. But I know I can't do this alone. What I need the most is your prayer. I claimed to be Christian, by the way, not "perfect." So please don't judge me.
Well, I am off to the gas station now to buy gum. Lots of Gum.
And I know that one day, I will look back on this post and laugh. I will be "smoke free" and God will be glorified again.
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